Friday, March 23, 2012

I Passed Somebody!

Where I live, there are amazing trails along our "rivers" (I use that term loosely). That was our running/biking destination tonight. There is a one stretch that is approximately 1 mile long and we thought that it would be perfect for me to do my 23 min jogging stretch. So, armed with my friend Brie, my MP3 player, and our children, we headed out. Brie is an awesome friend/coach. She lets me get into my music and just run while she runs with the jogging stroller and chases after 3 boys riding their bikes.

Anyways, I was running at one stretch, by myself, and notice these two men jump on the trail ahead of me walking. I had a goal to put my head down, put one foot in front of the other, and pass these two. I did it. It was such a good feeling. I know, these guys were walking, but I still passed them. That means that I am running faster than a walker. That has to be good for something.

In fact, it was funny. I ran my scheduled 23 minutes (approximately a whole mile) and then I had to turn around and go back. We walked back and it seemed to take FOREVER! The more I run, the less patience I have for walking. Hehehe. That is funny coming from me.

I also want to mention a few more positives that happened to me on Wednesday. Sorry, I never got to the blog that day. I'm trying not to focus so much on my weight now. I'm trying to focus on the little changes that are happening to my body.

Positive things about Wednesday:

  1. My butt had room! I took my son to the doctor and I sat down in a waiting room chair. I was just there 2 weeks ago for my twins too, but this time, I had a little bit more butt room in the chair. Yay for butt room

  2. I look cute! I took all 4 of my children to our local Children's museum. I had a lady come up to me saying how much she admired me for standing there with 4 children (2 of which are twins). She said she was so frazzled with one toddler and couldn't imagine how I could have my hair done, my make-up on (rare occurance) and look so cute and come out of the house with the 4 kids. I thanked her and just smiled. She really made my day.

  3. I got my eyebrows waxed. I couldn't believe how much that one little action boosted my self-esteem. I felt pretty.

  4. I rocked it on my workout. I am learning that I NEED music. It helps me stay focused while I run. I ended up working out for 45 minutes and running 35 minutes of it.

I am loving everything that I am learning on this journey. Thank you all for your love, support, and comments. There are people following my blog that I didn't reallize. So, thank you. If any of this inspires you, please share it. One of the reasons that I started this blog was because I had never seen a blog of a person my size on their running/weight loss journey before. I want to share with everyone that you can do anything. It just takes one step in front of the other.

Have a great weekend!

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

It's a New Week!

This is a new week and it is going great so far. I woke up on Monday determined to have a better attitude. We have had beautiful weather here in Arizona for the last week, but on the day I wanted to get out and run with my kiddos, it is 46 degrees as a high and threatening snow! Where did that come from? Well, again, I can't say enough about my awesome friends. If you are trying to lose weight or start a running program, you need to have a support system. One that won't sabotage your success, but one that lifts you up and helps you.

Ok, back to Brie. She was going to run with me, but we agreed it was absolutely too cold for the kiddos. She told me to grab my music and drops the kids off at her house for an hour. Talking about music, I finally got my own MP3 player. No more Hannah Montana from my daughter's MP3 player or Iron Maiden from my husband's. Now I have Katy Perry, Adele, Pink, and Bon Jovi.

Before I left her house, I asked Brie to take these pictures of me. I realized that I need to not only journal what I'm doing, but I need to photograph what I'm doing too. So, every week, I'm hoping to put a picture up of me and this journey. Another reason I am doing this is because I have been frustrated with my weight loss. Three months into this process, I have only lost 15 lbs. Now, don't get me wrong, 15 pounds is great, but for someone who has almost 200 lbs to lose, that is very small and frustrating. However, I have noticed that my clothes are fitting a bit better so I knew that something was changing. So, I am starting to track my measurements as well. Since January, I have gone down 2 inches in my waiste and 3 inches on my hips. Now, that makes me happy.

After these fabulous pictures were taken (that was dripping with sarcasm), I got bundled up and headed to the local high school. I ran 1/2 mile, walked 1/4 mile and ran 1/2 mile. I'm realizing that my lung capacity it great while I run. My lungs are not on fire anymore, but my legs are week. By the time I hit that mile, my lungs can keep going but my legs want to stop and throw a tantrum. I have one month from today until I run my first 5k ever so I need to figure out a way to overcome this obstacle. I will do it.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Controlling My Thoughts

I always thought that when church leaders council us to control our thoughts, it meant purely dirty thoughts or gossipy thoughts. But I think it goes farther. I have a problem controlling my self-deprecating thoughts. I have a hard time seeing myself the way others see me. If someone says something mean about me, I believe it. If someone says something nice about me, I have a hard time believing it.

I say all of this because I recognize that I have a problem loving me. I am working on that, but it is a day to day, minute by minute struggle. I made an awesome accomplishment last Friday (running the mile without stopping) and had an awesome weightloss on Saturday (lost 6 lbs). BUT, this week, I feel like I have hit a wall and I'm having a hard time climbing over it. I reallize that it is purely mental, but that doesn't make it any easier to get over.

Let me explain. My rest days are Saturday and Sunday so when Monday came, I was actually really excited to get out and run. My plan was to go to the high school that evening and do 1/2 mile run, 1/4 mile jog and alternate it 3 times . Well, one thing leads to another. I was waiting for my husband to get home and when he got home, I knew that I had to stay. He was not feeling well and just wanted to go to bed, and when I went outside, my van had a flat tire that needed to be taken care of. Once everyone went to bed and dinner was done and put away, I made a conscious choice to not go out and run. Instead, I binged! I'm still feeling the guilt. Cue the bad self-talk.

So, Tuesday came and I was itching to get out and run. After everyone was settled at either school or in bed for a nap (husband included), I headed outside to run. I walked 5 minutes, jogged 5 minutes, walked 3 minutes and during my second 5 minutes, I hit a horrible mental wall and didn't want to go any farther. Usually, when this happens, I push right through it. Well, I didn't want to push through it so I walked right back through my door. Total fail! Brie talked to me about it this morning....she is very insightful. She said that the body follows the mind. My mind had shut kept telling my body that was hurting and that I didn't want to do this anymore. So, I quit.

The same thing happened this morning. I was at the park. Brie took my kids and let me just run. So, it was just me. I made a break through realization this morning. I NEED MUSIC TO RUN! It helps me get into a little place where I don't think about anything but moving. I didn't have that this morning. I even tried to sing to myself. I'm sorry, but Primary Songs, that I am singing to myself, do nothing to help me get up a hill that I don't want to go up. So, I quit again. BUT I have awesome friends and Brie wouldn't let me. I had already walked/jogged .4 miles (one lap around the park). We grabbed the kids and she let me walk and talk. We walked one full lap (it took 10 minutes) and then we decided to jog the next lap. About half-way through and thankfully, just before I hit that hill, I found my happy place. I just dug in and kept going (it took 7-8 minutes). I am now jogging faster than I walk. Well, that is an improvement.

This is the very reason I am writing this blog. For me, jogging, walking, weight loss, and simply loving myself are not as simple as going out and just doing it. I think for most people, that is not the case. If that were the case, there would not be obesity, alcoholism, food disorders, etc.

The reason I am writing this blog is so that I can (and others to, if you so wish) visually see and remember my accomplishments. I need to remind myself that I CAN do things that I have never done before. I CAN overcome my self-deprecating thoughts with motivating actions. I CAN be who I need to become.

Friday, March 9, 2012

I Ran a Mile!

I was looking at my Couch to 5k training program and noticed that next Friday I was supposed to run for 20 minutes straight. For me, that is approximately a mile. That scared the crap out of me. I haven't run a mile since I left high school 18 years ago! I am also 100 lbs heavier than I was in high school too so I knew that this would be hard to do for me.

So, when my hubby came home from work, I decided to take the older two of my kiddos and go to the local high school. I decided that I was going to run a mile today. I wanted to accomplish this today. I went to the high school track because I wanted the running marks so knew exactly how far I was running and it would be easier for me to track the time too.

A mile is 4 laps. I walked one lap to warm up a bit and I felt strong. Then came the running. The first lap was good, but the second was killing. I kept thinking, "Am I done yet?" lol. Funny thing is, though, is that I remember having these same thoughts when I ran this same track in high school. The one thing that I noticed, with the end of lap two and into lap three, was that my body had gone into a natural rhythm. My steps and my breathing were in sync with each other.

As the fourth lap came around, I was feeling good knowing that I would actually accomplish this goal. Then, at the last curve, I kept thinking about my friend, Brie saying, "Give it all you've got to finish." However, I couldn't push it anymore. I couldn't even feel my legs. I just kept my head down looking at the white lines indicating a lane. I can honestly say that I gave my all tonight. Then, came the end point. I was so excited. My kids were excited.

I weigh 350 lbs and I just ran (without stopping at all) a mile! My time was 20 min. 29 sec.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

It's Official

I am officially signed up for my very first 5k on April 21st. I am so excited but extremely scared and nervous. I keep picking my friends' brains about what a race is like. Then, another friend of mine sent me an email about a race happening the day before Mother's Day. It is called the "I Love My Mommy" race. I am soooo there.

You know, I never thought that I would love running. While I'm running, I can honestly say that I don't love it, BUT afterwards, I love the feeling it gives me. It's I can accomplish anything.

I got my butt to the park this morning and ran with my girls. Kira was my "coach" today and she was awesome! I had one goal today and one goal only: run faster. After my last run on Monday, I talked with Brie about my running. I identified that when I started jogging, I would slow my pace and sit back into my jog, thus slowing me down. I was getting comfortable. So, today, my goal was to not shuffle and lean forward into my jogs. It worked! My pace with my walking warm up and downs was a 20 minute mile. Such an improvement.

I'm also loving all the friends that are starting this journey with me. I am learning more and more about people that are starting their "training" with friends in their area. I love it! I feel not alone. So, thank you for joining me in this journey. is my log for the day.

  • 5 min walking warm up

  • 3 min jog

  • 90 sec walk

  • 5 min jog

  • 2 1/2 min walk

  • 3 min jog

  • 90 sec walk

  • 5 min jog

  • Cool down

Total of 1.6 miles. Have a great day all. Do a little bit more than you did yesterday. It could even start with a smile :)

Monday, March 5, 2012

The Secret Life of My Butt...and other crazy subjects

It has been exactly two weeks since I have done the Couch to 5K program and two weeks since I have blogged about my crazy life. Let me tell you, ALOT has happened in those two weeks. Some fun, some embarrassing, and some amazing things.

Let me start where I left off. I went to Disneyland! We loaded up the kiddos Tuesday night and went for four fabulous days to Disneyland. It was the best! We had so much fun and it seemed that we all loved every minute of it. Now, since this is mostly a food, exercise, and psyche blog, I will focus mostly on that part of our trip. The following picture is the only picture of me on this trip. Of course, I am eating, but honestly don't know what I am saying. Lol

When we started our trip, I made a conscious decision to not count my points from Weight Watchers and eat whatever I darn well pleased. I was ok with that and I enjoyed every single morsel.

  • Cream cheese filled pretzel

  • Pineapple whip

  • Yummy breakfast food - sausage, bacon, french toast, danishes

  • A HUGE corn dog

  • Garlic/Parmesan French Fries

  • Virgin Mint Julip

  • Monte Cristo Sandwich (it was like eating a jelly donut stuffed with ham and cheese..Yum!)

  • pizza

  • Cold Stone Creamery Ice Cream

  • A bunch of other not-so-good-for-you foods.

Again, I allowed myself to do that. The most important thing for me to say is that I really have no guilt eating all that yummy food. What got me, though was that I didn't drink enough water.

So, here comes the down side to that trip. When we got home, I weighed myself. In one week, I gained 15 pounds! After driving 10 hours the night before, eating all that fried food, and not drinking enough water, I looked down at my very Flinstone looking feet, and knew I was retaining water.

The only other downside of that trip was a reality check about my butt. I will be the first to admit that I have a very large derriere. That is what I love about Disney. All the rides fit people of all shapes and sizes. The turnstyles, however, are not so forgiving. On the very last day of our visit, we reallized that we hadn't gone on the Jungle Cruise. Seemingly harmless, my mom and I and the three boys got in line. When the line got to the front where the turnstyle was (and there was a HUGE line behind us), I did my usual turn to the side and walk through. Only, it wouldn't move. I tried to go backwords, but turnstyles don't go backwards. I only had one way to go and that was pushing with all my might and ignore possible talking behind me (that was all in my head, I'm sure). My mom looked nervous for me. So, with what seemed like an embarrassing FOREVER (probably only 15 seconds). I pushed and pushed and pushed and finally made it through the turnstyle.

Also, after I climbed a million stairs to get into the Hyperion Theater to see Aladdin, my butt would not fit in the seat. I was really in a bad mental cycle then. My knees hurt from climbing the stairs and I ended up sitting in a handicapped seat. My self berating then started. The following words started echoing in my ears. "You are so fat. Why did you let yourself get that way? What a bad example to your children you are! Etc. Etc"

Then, I remember everything that I have accomplished. Because I have been doing the 5k training, my feet didn't hurt as bad after a day's walks to, in, and from Disneyland. AND I had alot of energy to play with my kiddos, my mom, my hubby, and our friends while we were there. I also need to add that I conquered a fear during this trip, as well. I got on California Screamin with my daughter and my husband. It was so much fun that all I remember is laughing and smiling the whole time. So, I am choosing to remember that and remember that I don't ever want to feel "butt" embarrassment again.

When we got home, I reallized that I hurt myself because of that stupid stair climb. So, my friends and I decided that I needed to rest for the next week. I was itching to get out and do my training, but knew that I should give my knee some time to heal.

I am proud to announce that this morning, I was out training again and I feel amazing!

  • 5 min warm-up walking

  • 3 min jogging

  • 90 sec walking

  • 5 min jogging

  • 2 1/2 min walking

  • 3 min jogging

  • 90 sec walking

  • 5 min jogging

  • 5 min cool down walking

I actually decreased my time as well. My pace was a 20 min. mile. It still seems slow, but remember that I started at a 25 minute mile. I am loving how this is making me feel. I have also decided that I will be running my first 5k on April 21st (5 days before my 36th birthday). I couldn't do this without my dear friends Kira and Brie. By the way, Kira finished her first 5k this past weekend and both of them ran it in under 30 minutes. While I was on vacation, Brie completed her first Regland Relay. She ran a total of approx 24 miles. I am so proud of us for trying and doing new things and not holding ourselves back.

So, go out TODAY and try something you have never done before.