Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Running for my life.

I have had dreams, for many years, where I am running and loving it. I'm not breathing hard, I'm not tired, and I don't hurt. Then, I wake up and am brought back to reality. I weigh 350 pounds and it hurts to walk down the hall and chase my children, let alone, run.

I used to run. When I was in high school, almost 20 years ago, I would have Aerobics class for an hour and after school, I would play tennis for 2 hours. I had fun. I had a teacher that would push me to the limits and it made me stronger. However, I remember well the day that I stopped running, and I don't know why I stopped.

I have a great life and I love life. I have a wonderful husband that loves me very much and four beautiful children. However, I don't think I have ever learned to love myself. I've always struggled with my weight and my inner psyche when it comes to how I view myself. I've tried many diets, but failed. I always give up on myself.

One of my favorite songs is "It's My Life" by Bon Jovi. "It's my life, it's now or never. I ain't gonna live forever." I'm realizing that I only have this one life to live and I better figure out what to do with it.

One day of scrolling through Pinterest, I found a post for Runs for Cookies. She had a guest blogger on that talked about starting out at 340 lbs or so and wanting to run. She found at website that had a program called Couch to 5k, and ran her first 5k at 338 lbs. I realized, after reading that post, that I wanted to do that too. The only thing holding me back was me. I immediately got on the phone to my friend, who is an avid runner. She was up to the challenge to be my "coach" through this whole thing and to find me a 5k to run. Another friend joined us and we became a "team". After we drive our older children to school, we meet at the local park and follow my training schedule. Well, I do. Others are more advanced, but we still cheer each other on.

After a good jog/walk, my friends encouraged me to start a blog so that I can journal my journey to a better me. So, this is my story. It will be messy at times and sometimes entertaining, but most of all, I promise honesty. I need to be honest to myself in order for this to work. I also need this to hold me accountable too.


  1. Blogs are a great wat to journal and receive support. I'm so glad you found an activity you want to do. I know 5Ks are goals a lot of people want to accomplish, no matter their weight. Good luck with everything!

  2. This is a beautiful post. It's real, it's emotional, and it's honest. You can do this... and finally you are doing it for the right reason. You are doing it for YOU, and that little ball of soul that sits in your heart. That voice that's been so quiet for so long, finally has a chance to be loud and confident... and we are here to help you, every painful mile and step of the way. I vow to hold you accountable, and push you when you need it... but I also promise to be your soft place to fall when you need a friend. I'm so incredibly proud of you. Just Do It. :)

  3. Tatiana,

    You are such an inspiration and way to go for starting up this blog! I remember when you were in tennis and such during our glorious high school days! You will get back to this I know becaue u r amazing u!!! I have always treasured our friendship. You have an amazing gift of having people feel loved and accepted. I have always thought u were absolutely gorgeous and u still r. As u continue this journey...I pray that u will feel strength!!! I know that u can do this!! Love ya lots dear friend!!!