Where is Tatiana? That is a good question. To put is quite simply, I have been avoiding my blog and thus avoiding hard things I don't really want to look at. So, lets look into what I have been doing these last couple weeks. First off, I need to say...I HAVE NOT QUIT.
A couple of weeks ago, I was hitting a great stride. Actually, it was two weeks ago today that I was out running and I ran 25 minutes straight or a mile and a half straight. It fellt so good. So, on my off day, I went out and worked on putting my garden in. Same for Wednesday. Let me tell you, if you want to strengthen the back of your legs, put a garden in. My hamstrings killed! Well, I don't know what happened, but it caused my left knee to really hurt and swell a bit. Last week, the swelling went down, but it still hurt. It hurt to walk, but it hurt even more to run on it. So, I haven't run. BUT I have kept walking. In fact, Brie mentioned before I got injured, that I needed to lengthen my running stride to go a bit faster. So, I decided to try that with walking. I openned my hips and let my legs take me around the park. I was amazed! I cut my .4 mile lap time down by 2 minutes!
So, this brings me to today. I am itching to get out an run, but still my knee feels weak and it still hurts. I still went out and walked, though. I called it my therapy session. I love Kira and Brie because they help me think through situations without trying to forcibly tell me what to do. Kira walked with me while Brie watched the older kiddos. I started to cry a bit while talking to Kira. I'll admit it. I'm mad. I am mad at myself for getting hurt. I am mad that I have a race 2 weeks away and I don't know how I will manage it. I am mad because I wanted to run the whole thing and I know I could have, but now I will have to walk some/ maybe even all of it. I am mad that I like to eat and my weight and lack of weight loss seems to show it.
Kira tried to put a few things into perspective for me. The biggest thing was that my race was not an end all. It was a goal to accomplish, but sometimes goals need to be adjusted. My goal was to run the whole race on April 21st, but now my goal is to run/walk the race and FINISH it in under an hour. This is allowing me to make a new goal....find a race in October (any time before that would be too hot in So AZ) and run the whole thing with a new time goal. Second, my next goal this week is to work on my food choices. Also, I have lost 15 pounds but have seemed to plateau already. BUT I wish I could possibly count how many people have come up to me saying how good I look lately. My body shape is changing. My calves are starting to get a little definition and my large butt does not wiggle as much any more. I need to change how I see myself.
Thank you to my family and friends who give me so much support. I haven't written for so long for fear of letting people down. I was letting myself down so I didn't want to let anyone else down as well. BUT I'm changing my perspective. I'm changing my goals. And, you know what? It is ok.