Where is Tatiana? That is a good question. To put is quite simply, I have been avoiding my blog and thus avoiding hard things I don't really want to look at. So, lets look into what I have been doing these last couple weeks. First off, I need to say...I HAVE NOT QUIT.
A couple of weeks ago, I was hitting a great stride. Actually, it was two weeks ago today that I was out running and I ran 25 minutes straight or a mile and a half straight. It fellt so good. So, on my off day, I went out and worked on putting my garden in. Same for Wednesday. Let me tell you, if you want to strengthen the back of your legs, put a garden in. My hamstrings killed! Well, I don't know what happened, but it caused my left knee to really hurt and swell a bit. Last week, the swelling went down, but it still hurt. It hurt to walk, but it hurt even more to run on it. So, I haven't run. BUT I have kept walking. In fact, Brie mentioned before I got injured, that I needed to lengthen my running stride to go a bit faster. So, I decided to try that with walking. I openned my hips and let my legs take me around the park. I was amazed! I cut my .4 mile lap time down by 2 minutes!
So, this brings me to today. I am itching to get out an run, but still my knee feels weak and it still hurts. I still went out and walked, though. I called it my therapy session. I love Kira and Brie because they help me think through situations without trying to forcibly tell me what to do. Kira walked with me while Brie watched the older kiddos. I started to cry a bit while talking to Kira. I'll admit it. I'm mad. I am mad at myself for getting hurt. I am mad that I have a race 2 weeks away and I don't know how I will manage it. I am mad because I wanted to run the whole thing and I know I could have, but now I will have to walk some/ maybe even all of it. I am mad that I like to eat and my weight and lack of weight loss seems to show it.
Kira tried to put a few things into perspective for me. The biggest thing was that my race was not an end all. It was a goal to accomplish, but sometimes goals need to be adjusted. My goal was to run the whole race on April 21st, but now my goal is to run/walk the race and FINISH it in under an hour. This is allowing me to make a new goal....find a race in October (any time before that would be too hot in So AZ) and run the whole thing with a new time goal. Second, my next goal this week is to work on my food choices. Also, I have lost 15 pounds but have seemed to plateau already. BUT I wish I could possibly count how many people have come up to me saying how good I look lately. My body shape is changing. My calves are starting to get a little definition and my large butt does not wiggle as much any more. I need to change how I see myself.
Thank you to my family and friends who give me so much support. I haven't written for so long for fear of letting people down. I was letting myself down so I didn't want to let anyone else down as well. BUT I'm changing my perspective. I'm changing my goals. And, you know what? It is ok.
I'm proud of you! Being real is hard to do. Adjust and accomplish your goals, Tatiana. No amount wishing will keep you from hurting yourself if you continue to train if you're in pain. Also, I was thinking, that two weeks ago, you really over did your mileage with running. You should only be adding a 10% distance each week. Ice that knee, and we'll see you every morning. Every.Morning. lol...
ReplyDeleteYou are amazing! I have always looked up to you! Thank you for being a great example. You will achieve your goals.
ReplyDeleteTatiana, you have always been amazing~ since I knew you it always seemed you had clear choices and goals planned and nothing deterred you. But you are still human and with that comes disappointments. Now, you have shown us once again how amazing you are. Back as a kid you were someone I looked up to, and today I am so proud that you are still the kind of person I can look up to. In the race of life you will always be a winner to me. ((( Big Hugs! ))) Never give up, because you are worth it, and more than you know you are admired for it. I can't wait to hear about your race and your races to come. I wish you nothing but the best!
ReplyDeleteLove the new perspective! Every day of progress is just that...PROGRESS!! If it's fast or slow...it doesn't matter. It's still progress!! Keep setting goals and keep putting in the work to progress towards them. Many days will feel like an uphill battle but nothing will beat the view from the top! It's worth every amount of effort. I'm cheering for you!!
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